


Being there

by Nea



Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: Episode Related, M/M, mention of PTSD, mention of war, moustead - Freeform, nothing too graphic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-27
Updated: 2018-02-27
Packaged: 2019-03-24 20:50:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13819212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nea/pseuds/Nea
Summary: Jay comes home to Mouse after the case with the swim coach.





	Being there

**Author's Note:**

> Author's note: Once again, [driedflowers](http://archiveofourown.org/users/driedflowers/pseuds/driedflowers) helped me out with her beta skills!  
> Author's note 2: For de_bingo's prompt _Honesty_  
>  Warnings: Spoilers for episode 307, mention of war and PTSD but nothing too graphic.  
> Disclaimer: The characters aren‘t mine but Dick Wolf‘s and Co.

Mouse is lying on his sofa and mindlessly clicking through Netflix, more to kill time than to actually watch anything.

When he hears the jingle of keys at the door, he puts his laptop away to get up.

Jay looks cold and tired, coming into the living room. It’s been a tough day for him. Being there for a victim is important and great, but it also exhausts you emotionally.

"You okay?" Mouse asks, and Jay shrugs. Mouse steps closer. "Are you hungry? Do need some coffee? A drink?" He pulls Jay into a hug.

Jay shakes his head. "I just want to go to bed," he mumbles into the side of Mouse’s neck, tightening the hug.

They stay like that for a moment, before Mouse takes Jay’s hand and they go to Mouse’s bedroom.

Jay scoots closer to Mouse and puts his arm around his waist.

"Ethan asked if I lost people in Afghanistan," he says after a moment. "And how I cope with it."

Mouse runs his fingers softly up and down Jay’s arm around his waist. "What did you tell him?"

"That I think about them a lot and that they would want me to live my life because they can’t..." Jay says quietly. "I hope it helps him, somehow..."

Telling the boy the truth was out of question. All the details about not being able to sleep, because sleep brings you back.

He sees his friends dying and civilians dying and hungry children with dirty faces and big empty eyes.

Jay and Mouse would give one of their MRE packs to the kids and share the other one, but it was never enough to make any real change.

Sometimes he still hears the yelling of suicide bombers and feels the blast of the explosions. Still feels how their Humvee was thrown in the air, hears himself and Mouse curse and yell and then nothing but deafening silence.

That’s when he wakes up, wet from sweat and tears and unable to fall asleep again, no matter how hard he tries and how bad he wants to.

He also didn’t tell Ethan that he slept on his living room floor for a while. Behind a table flipped on its side, because it made a good enough cover.

How he drank too much every day and spent almost every night out, never going home with the same person twice. Or how he called Mouse on those nights he stayed at home, so they could keep each other awake and talk about everything they saw and had to do.

None of this is suitable to tell a teenager who’s trying to figure out a way to mourn his father’s death and be able to go on with his own life at the same time.

Mouse runs his fingers softly up and down Jay’s arm around his waist.

"You were so good today," Mouse says. "You were there for that boy."

"All I wanted is to get my hands on this disgusting pig of a swim coach." Jay says through gritted teeth.

"I know. But you chose to help Ethan instead." Mouse turns a little, so he can see Jay better. "I’m very proud of you."

Jay lets out a breath and turns towards Mouse, so that they’re facing each other. "That’s part of my job."

"Making me proud?" Mouse grins a little, making Jay smile.

"That, too," he whispers, pushing Mouse’s hair out of his face and kissing him.

Mouse moves his hand from Jay’s arm to his hips, pulling him closer and deepening the kiss.


End file.
